There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
