We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
