He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
