dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
