it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
