I look better un-naked...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
