For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
