dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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