Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
