elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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