Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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