he thought i was a dude.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
