I cannot find my penis.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dignity is for republicans.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
