So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
