When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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