planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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