I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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