If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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