I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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