I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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