Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
