So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You can't motorboat a personality
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
