You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
