More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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