all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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