i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
