He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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