She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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