EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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