I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I FOUND THE LEGS
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
