I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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