a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
