You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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