i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
well you can't waste a boner
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There are leaves in my underwear?
PANTIES FOUND
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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