How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
