My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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