So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
