Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
