I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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