and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
