I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
