My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
