: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
