Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
