Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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