just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
