And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
