Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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