i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
