Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
