sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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