Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
