And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
