I'm jealous of your bromance
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
