either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
